Top Ten Texts from Last Night

By Molly Dixon

(numbers indicate the area code)

10. (570): Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still… awesome.

9. (917): I’ve been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
(518): Huh?
(917): I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.

8. (212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother…or stop drinking so much…I don’t want to see this

7. (703): it wasn’t lemon gatorade

6. (502): F***. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water… I’m in the bathroom taking a dump… I have mudd butt bad… There’s NO toilet paper!!

5. (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

4. (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

3. (440): The ticket read, “Found nude in a tree”

2. (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

1. (971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly ‘I can see your soul from here’ 
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

For more, check out www.textsfromlastnight.com